


The Mile High Club

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Explicit Language, Humor, Other, Parody, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-09
Updated: 2007-07-09
Packaged: 2018-09-30 10:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10161581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Hermione helps Draco to relax on his first Muggle airplane ride. one-sot





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K.Rowling.   
"Tell me again, why do we have to take a Muggle Holiday?" Draco said to his wife, as he struggled to get all their luggage through the revolving door of the airport. "This is ridiculous!" One of the bags got caught in the door and he pulled with all his might. 

"You got to pick where we went last time. Now it's my turn. I want to go to Australia... the Muggle way," she said, hailing a porter. 

"May I help you with your bags?" the tall ancient man said. 

"And exactly how are you going to help? You're like a thousand years old! How are you going to carry all the luggage?" Draco was sneering at the surprised man. 

"I'm not going to CARRY it anywhere, son. I have a cart on wheels, see?" the old toothless geezer laughed. "Marvelous invention... the wheel." He continued laughing as he loaded up the cart. 

Hermione smiled at her red faced husband. "Don't worry." 

"I hate the unknown. And I know next to nothing about Muggle flying!" They followed the porter to the counter. A snooty Flight Attendant wannabe was looking at them like they were trash. Draco tipped the porter a hundred dollars by mistake and the porter walked away grinning, thinking this was his lucky day. 

"How many bags to check?" she said with a tired sigh. 

"About six," Hermione answered. 

"Where are you headed? Outer space?" she said, placing the bags on the scale, one at a time. "How can two people need so much luggage?" She rolled her eyes. "This style is so ten years ago. Clearly you could afford newer bags?" 

Draco wanted to pull out his wand and turn her into a two headed wildebeest with balls the size of pumpkins. Hermione, as if reading his mind, put her hand on his wand arm to hold him back. 

She gave them their boarding passes and with one more look of pure distaste, told them to have a nice flight. 

As they walked away, Draco put his hand on the wand in his pocket and uttered a spell that made the girl at the counter suddenly drop to the floor and bark like a St. Bernard. He smirked, quite pleased with himself. 

Hermione, shook her head. "You just had to do it, didn't you?" she was trying to sound upset but the smile gave away the fact that she was just as amused as he was. "Here's the line for the security check point," she said, as they approached a queue that was approximately a million kilometers long. 

"This is going to take for fucking ever!" he said, adjusting his carry on bag over his shoulder. 

"It'll go fast, you'll see. And maybe," she said, kissing him. "Just maybe, I'll make you a member of the 'Mile High Club' " 

"What's that?" 

"You'll see," she said, kissing him again. 

Two hours later, Hermione had finally gotten to the head of the line. She took off all her jewelry and placed it in the box. Draco watched as she put her bag on the conveyer belt and it disappeared into the x-ray machine. 

She walked through the detector with no problem, retrieved her rings and bracelet and picked up her bag. She turned to watch him go through the same process. 

"That looked pretty harmless and easy!" he thought. He slid off his wedding ring and expensive gold watch and put them into the box. He looked up at the Guard and stepped through the detector. The alarm went off. Draco jumped and clutched his heart. "Holy Hades!" he said out loud. 

"Hold out your arms," the Guard said. 

"What?" Draco asked, confused. "Hold out my arms?" He looked over at Hermione, who raised her arms out to the side in an impatient demonstration. "Oh. Right." The Guard ran the wand over his body and it beeped when it hit his belt buckle. 

"Lift up your shirt." 

Draco raised his eyebrow. "Aren't you going to say please?" 

The Security Guard frowned at him. "PLEASE lift up your shirt, or I'll call someone to give you a body cavity search." The man smiled at Draco, daring him to say something. 

Draco lifted up his shirt. 

"Fine. Put your shirt back down," The Guard continued to swipe the wand down his legs. When it reached Draco's left ankle, it went off again. "Please step to the side, sir." 

"Wh... Why?" 

The man gave leaned in. "Because, I think you're a Terrorist and that you have a bomb in your sock." 

Draco looked shocked. "I don't have a bomb!" he said loudly. Hermione smacked her forehead. 

Five more Security Guards came from no where and grabbed him by the arms. "You're coming with us!" One of them snatched up Draco's bag and Hermione followed as they led Draco into a room. 

"Please! There's been a mistake!" She said. "He's not a Terrorist!" They closed the door in her face. 

Back in the small brightly lit Security office, Draco was shaking with fright. "All I need is to get thrown into a Muggle prison!" he thought. "Damn her and her Muggle trip!" 

"Take off your shoes," one of the Officers said. 

"My shoes?" 

"Take off your damn shoes before I zap you with my tazer!" The Guard held out an object that Draco had never seen. It crackled and hummed ominously. 

Draco quickly bent over, untied his shoes and slid them off. He watched as one of the Officers inspected them inside and out. 

"All clear!" he said, handing them back. Draco was fast becoming tired of this whole situation and itched to obliviate them all. 

"Hey!" he yelled, as they unzipped his carry- on bag and riffled through it's contents. "You can't do that!" 

The Guards ignored him. "What the hell is this?" one of them asked, holding up a bottle of Madam KiKi's hair spritzer. "This yours?" he said to Draco, with a chuckle. 

"Put that back!" 

The Guard put it aside. "You're not allowed to have this in your carry- on." Reaching into the bag, he pulled out a tube of KY Jelly. He raised his eyebrow at Draco and smirked. "Not allowed!" 

Draco sat back in the chair, defeated. "Whatever. I don't need it anyway." 

"What are you? Some kind of Tutti Fruitti?" a fat Guard asked, lifting a manicure set out of the black bag. "You're not allowed nail clippers on the plane, you little gay freak." 

Draco rolled his eyes. "It takes one to know one," he said under his breath. 

"What did you say, you blond haired mama's boy?" The Officer put the tazer close to Draco's face. 

Draco smirked. "I said, IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE!" 

Hermione, who was standing in the hallway, heard Draco scream at the top of his lungs. She ran over to the door and beat on it. "What are doing to him?" 

The door opened and the fat Guard stood there. "It seems that your husband is not cooperating. We think he has drugs somewhere on his person... or inside..." the Guard said laughing and snapping a rubber glove on his hand. 

Hermione could see Draco sitting in the chair with a terrified look on his face. She blinked, took a deep breath and pulled out her wand. She mouthed the words 'on the count of three' to Draco. 

"What you got there, little lady?" the officer said, reaching for the wand. 

"Hermione said, "THREE!" Draco took cover under the desk as a red light lit up the room. Hermione ran over, took his arm and helped him up. 

"Damn!" he said, looking around at the unconscious bodies of the Security Guards. "Good one!" He put all of his belongings back into his carry- on and zipped it. 

"Let's get out of here!" she said, pulling him from the room and shutting the door. 

They made it to the gate just in time. Draco stashed their bags in the over head and took his seat next to Hermione. "This is THE worst trip I've ever been on!" 

Hermione took his hand. "Don't worry, I'll make it up to you." She smiled at him suggestively. 

An hour later, the plane still hadn't moved. "What the fuckity fuck is going on? Why aren't we moving?" Draco was getting impatient. 

"It's just a delay. Happens all the time." Hermione took out a magazine and began to turn the pages. "Nothing to worry about." 

Draco frowned and took a bag of peanuts from the Flight Attendant, and watched the baggage handlers load up the plane. 

The pilot finally came on the intercom and said they were ready for take off. "About damn time!" Draco said. He looked out of the window as they taxied down the runway. He let out a tiny scream as they ascended and grabbed a hold of Hermione's arm. 

"This isn't so bad!" Draco said as they reached cruising altitude. "I don't even feel like I'm in the air!" 

Hermione smiled at him. "I need to use the loo, I'll be right back. Since they were sitting in the tail section of the plane, it didn't take her long to do her business and get back to her seat. She paused when she got to her row because someone else was sitting in her seat. A tall gorgeous blond someone else. 

"You are so funny!" the woman said, with a small laugh. "I could listen to your jokes all day!" Hermione saw the woman place her hand on her husband's leg and squeeze. 

"Excuse me! What the hell do you think you're doing with my husband?" Hermione grabbed the woman by the hair and lifted her to a standing position. She yanked as hard as she could, making the woman yelp in pain. 

"I suggest you go back to your seat," Hermione said, pulling the woman into the aisle by her over processed hair. "You whore." 

The woman ripped Hermione's hand away, gave her a filthy look and stomped to the front of the plane. 

Draco looked at her, "What?" 

"I'll never get used to all the women throwing themselves at you!" she said, plopping down in her seat. "I hate it!" 

He took her hand and kissed it. "What are so worried about? I love you... only you." He leaned in to kiss her, and the world suddenly started to shake. He almost jumped into her lap. "What's happening? Were' re going to crash aren't we? I don't want to fall out of the sky!" He was jibbering like a lunatic. 

The Pilot came on and announced that they were experiencing some normal turbulence and not to worry. He also asked that everyone put on their safety belts. 

"I knew that," Draco said, leaning back in his seat, a layer of sweat covering his whole body. He buckled up his seat belt and held on the arm rest with white knuckles. 

Hermione laughed softly. "Of course you did." 

Draco suddenly reached forward and managed to open a barf bag just as a lava of puke erupted from his mouth. "I HATE Muggle flying!" 

The sun went down and the feature movie came on. It was some dumb story about a bunch of snakes set loose in an airplane. Draco wanted to watch the film, but Hermione had other things on her mind. 

She took down some pillows and a red blanket. "Want to cuddle?" she asked, placing the blanket over the both of them. 

"I really want to watch the stupid Muggles on the screen play with the snakes," he said, taking one ear away from his headphones. 

"I'd rather play with your snake," Hermione said, sliding her hand up his thigh and tapping his penis through his pants. She cocked an eyebrow at him. 

Draco tore his eyes away from the screaming girl on the screen, put the headphones back and smirked at his wife. He glanced around at the other passengers. They were either watching the movie or sleeping. "Be careful, it bites." 

"Is it poisonous?" she asked, unzipping his fly and pulling out his already very hard cock. 

"Only if you swallow," he said, as she put her head under the blanket and wrapped her mouth around him. He sighed as she licked and sucked, driving him crazy. He held onto her covered head as she quickened her pace, wanting to scream out her name. 

Hermione could tell he was on the verge of exploding, so she released him and came out from under the hot blanket. Her hair was standing around her head from static electricity and her cheeks were flushed. She put her hands under the blanket and took off her pants and knickers. After looking around to make sure no one was paying attention, she climbed on top of him. 

Draco grabbed the back of her frizzy head and smashed his lips down onto hers. She was rubbing the head of his cock over her dripping pussy and moaning. Draco couldn't take anymore teasing. He put his hands on her hips and pushed her down onto his throbbing erection. They both groaned in pleasure as she started to move up and down, slowly at first and then faster and faster. She gripped the top of the seat behind her and held on. 

Draco palmed her ass and slammed into her, making her jump as he exploded inside of her. Hermione whimpered and shook as her orgasm flowed through her body. 

She collapsed on him, sweaty and out of breath. "Welcome to the 'Mile High Club'," she said, kissing him passionately. 

Draco embraced her. "I LOVE Muggle flying."


End file.
